October 27: Random Acts of Kindness Week

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Random Acts of Kindness is a global movement that started several years ago. It involves doing something nice for someone... anyone... without expectation of anything in return. In fact, the idea is to give them a smile card that asks them to pass on the kindness to someone else in turn. As part of Super Sundays, a few of us decided that we would indulge in an interesting exercise... an RAOK week... not just one day of being kind to people but a whole WEEK! :) The idea was to try and do something nice for someone every single day for a whole week and then meet the following Sunday to swap experiences and ideas. Most of us did not end up doing an RAOK every single day but we did have some interesting experiences. Here are a few that we'd like to share with you:

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Random Acts of Kindness was something, I had only read about, so when Vinod suggested it as one of the Super Sunday activities, I was a little excited. The idea being attempting to approach random people and do just a little something for them, specially when most people are wary of strangers these days and be open to the various reactions that follow.

My first act of kindness began with me paying for an ice cream for a group at MacDonald’s and handing out a kindness card that read ‘if this got u smiling, now its your chance to light up someone else’s day. Pass on the card and keep the spirit going.’ One of the guys quite liked the idea and even asked for a few more pass it on kindness cards. His enthusiasm left me elated and a little more confident in approaching others. The next one I offered a free ice cream too was a college girl who said a short thanks and walked away hurriedly, leaving me a little disappointed. I expected her to smile in the least and maybe ask me what RAOK was all about. I doubted whether she would pass on the card to someone else. Next time I tried to pick people who came across as warm and approachable, someone who would definitely take RAOK forward and not let my effort go waste. Secretly I wished the card would come back to me someday, after traveling to hundred others. I however, later realized that in order for RAOK to work for me, I need to give unconditionally or the real purpose of it would be defeated. My job was to make someone feel good and not judge them. And the exercise would be more rewarding when I let go of my expectations. Next I approached a girl in a library with a chocolate who seemed pleasantly surprised and another aunty in my train, who shared the chocolate and passed on the card to a few other people in the compartment. In the coming week, I approached two more people around Churchgate station, this time with a chocolate again, along with a flower. While one of them reluctantly accepted it, another lady thought this was some commercial gimmick or it was a part of some game show, and there were some cameras hidden around. I had a difficult time trying not to burst out laughing and after I assured her she was no ‘bakra’, she accepted it with a broad smile. And lastly, I pride myself in having done my sister’s homework, some college project of hers, absolutely free!! Though I later convinced her for loaning me some money to fund my further RAOK activities.

These brief shining moments that I experienced this week, in reaching out to people by doing a little something, however small is valuable and whether we will remember each other later is immaterial. Being kind is great for health and I would definitely not restrict it to a week!

- Dhwani

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Fire - Backfired :) Cafe Coffee Day - Was sitting with a friend at lunch, finished the main course and ordered for Chocolate Fantasy .. (yes, I do believe in a 3 course meal even on weekdays ;)) .. My dessert arrived and it looked absolutely sinful and delicious ! Suddenly, from the corner of my eye, I saw the CCD waiter/usher, who was standing all along and opening the door for customers. I turned around to him, offered him a fresh spoon - pointed at the plate, and said "Please have some .. I'd really like it if you do" ! At which, he almost jumped out of his skin (;)) .. and kept saying 'No ma'am, no ma'am' .. followed by CCD policy 'We are not allowed to eat with our customers' ! I did persist, though only to realize I was making him a little more uncomfortable each time .. so I just let it be .. (and of course, devoured the entire thing all by myself !) Oh well ! I know I tried .. it just was a little too shocking for him, thats all :p

Earth - Bought guavas and gave one to my building watchman (normally a rather serious looking guy with a suspicious look on his face) .. he said "nahi nahi, isse khaansi aati hai" :D ! But of course, the sincere intent with which I gave it is too positive to cause any sort of negative impact :)

Water - As a surprise for my friend Aruna, I cleaned the toilet and bathroom in my friend's apartment, where I stay right now .. to a point where the toilet was actually shining like a bright white jasmine flower (lol .. :D) .. Its another story that she got very irritated that I took the trouble and made a ground rule that I will not clean the apartment by myself in the future .. Yea Yea :p but I do know that deep inside, she is also very touched by it :)

Space - Bought a book for my good friend .. as he walked up to the billing counter at Crossword (where we were lounging out and browsing books) with this new book he found and rather liked, I snuck up behind him and flashed my new orange colored 1000 rupee currency note, which obviously outshone his debit card :p .. and the cashier readily accepted mine ! Although this was more an act of kindness for myself, because I am sure I feel happier about buying him the book .. apart from the fact that I will borrow it from him someday !! :p

Air - Skipped my turn in the billing queue at D-Mart, to give someone behind me a chance to go ahead .. Her reaction was .. well non-existent ! She didn't even notice what I did, and just walked ahead as if I had just disappeared :p This was pretty funny .. and I kept smiling to myself all along .. :) <>

Common theme across the above - Neutral to even some shocked faces in reaction to my RAOK, but then its never about expecting something in return right ? I believe its mainly about the input (which only needs to be a quick naughty smile and a sincere packet of positive energy !!)

I do have 2 days to go this week for more RAOKs .. or actually .. the rest of my life :)

Love,
Kinnera

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A bright sunny morning, there was an excitement today as I was going to wear a new kurti (a present from a friend). Dressed in all glory, I headed for work, reached the railway platform and sat on my seat, compelled by routine, waiting for the engine. The scene was mundane, people waiting for their trains, hurrying fish mongers, crossing the tracks with baskets laden with fish and swatting at the crows from getting their bait.

Waiting…I saw her, her appearances caught my attention, she looked different from other fish mongers, she did not wear a koli saree. She had very short hair, like a man’s and she was wearing a saree in a different style. She had dark skin with a white tikka on her forehead. She was crossing the tracks, balancing the two bags in her hands. She struggled to control; she did not want her ‘maal’ to fall over. She crossed the tracks and rested a while, heaving badly with the excursion of carrying such heavy weight.

I hesitated for a while…I did not want to stink of fish, but the Act of Kindness was playing in the back of my mind….I stood and reached out to her. I offered help. She stood perplexed for a moment. I offered again and bend down to carry one of her bags, she immediately swatted my hand away and said that my hands will stink and my clothes will get dirty. I told her I don’t mind but she refused to let me help her, she did not want me to stink of fish. She just kept smiling trying to convince me she could manage. She did manage…she also kept giving me a grateful smile.

The engine came and she left…keeping me waiting…

The Act of Kindness was more by her than me…I was touched :)

- Shirin

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Act 1: A confusing start:

As I left home this morning, I was still very unsure about what I was going to do as my RAOK for the day. Trusting that I would find opportunities along the way, I set off for to my cousin’s place to have lunch. Soon enough, I saw a young man suffering from leprosy (he had open sores on his feet) sitting on a pavement not too far from my house. For a moment, I stopped to wonder whether I could do something nice for him. But then thoughts of the lunch which I was already late for came into my mind… and I decided I would do something a little later.

Still thinking this, I neared the bus stop from where I normally take a bus into the city. As I walked up to the stop, I could see an old lady lying on the ground nearby. Now October in Bombay can be a terribly hot and humid month and today certainly ranked up there as one of the hotter days. She seemed quite old though it was difficult to make out under all the dust she was covered in. As soon as I saw her, I was stuck by a thought. How is it that we are able to walk away from such a situation with our consciences undisturbed? Perhaps it’s because India is so full of people like her who have no access to water, food and shelter. And the very thought of doing something for each and every one of them can be daunting. But as I looked at her, it took me just a few seconds to realize that here was my opportunity… even if it meant getting a bit late for my lunch appointment.

Once the decision was made, it was surprisingly easy. I wasn’t sure whether she had the energy to even sit up, but I decided to buy her something to eat and some water. I immediately walked up to a nearby restaurant and picked up a bottle of water for her and five oranges from a nearby fruit stall. Walking back towards where she lay, I found myself hoping there would be no one else at the stop. Having an audience while doing something for someone in need, can be quite difficult to deal with. I have no idea why I have these thoughts… perhaps it’s because I wonder what they will be thinking. But today, I just decided that it didn’t matter. Somehow, the act of deciding consciously on one whole week of daily RAOKs seemed to help. I walked up to her, kneeled down beside her (among the other commuters waiting for the bus) and called out to her but she didn’t lift up her head. She opened her eyes only when I touched her gently on her shoulder, but didn’t seem to understand what I was saying. I showed her the bottle of water and the oranges and asked her to have some water. But she seemed to be in a daze… perhaps because she hadn’t had any food or water I some time. So I decided to just leave it near her where she could find it. As I did this, my bus arrived… and I decided to take it. Later, I wondered whether I should have stayed a little longer to ensure that she was alright or at least to help her sit up… but it was too late by then. I checked the same spot that evening but she wasn’t there… and neither were the things I had got her. I can only hope that they came in handy for her.

Act 2: Tea with Ashok Kumar:

Ashok Kumar is an auto driver from Powai, a suburb of Bombay. Some days ago, when I was returning home from Powai, I happened to hop into his auto rickshaw for my ride back home. As soon as I boarded the vehicle, I heard him muttering, “Abhi chai ke liye rukne hi wala tha… lekin…” (I was just about to stop for a cup of tea… but now…). Hearing these words, I asked him if he would like to stop somewhere for a cup of hot tea. Immediate silence at his end. :) We chugged along quietly. A few minutes after we had set off, he tentatively asked me whether it was really okay to stop for some tea. I smiled and nodded my agreement to him in his rear view mirror. Smiling back gratefully, he quickly maneuvered his auto to the side of the road and parked near a tea shop.

Obviously he was a regular there. He disappeared as soon as we arrived there and on looking around, I found him washing his hands and his face at a nearby tap. He had clearly had a rough day, driving around the city in the terrible October heat and dust. Soon we were both standing in front of a boiling kettle of strong tea. As the man at the counter expertly poured us our cutting chai (half of a small glass of tea), Ashok Kumar disappeared once again. This time it was a cigarette he was after. I quickly took the opportunity to pay for the tea and resumed drinking from my cup while I waited for him. He joined me a minute later merrily puffing away at his cigarette. As I watched, he started to drink his tea very quickly, swirling it around rapidly to cool it in between sips. I told him there was no hurry and that he should take his time. Big smile of disbelief on his face! :) And he said, “Ek bar grahak ko bitha liya, toh mujhe unko ruka ke rakhna accha nahin lagta” (Once I’ve taken on a customer, I don’t like to keep them waiting). And I countered with, “Jab grahak ko koi jaldi nahin, to aap ko kyon hai?” (when the customer isn’t in a hurry, why are you hurrying?”. Another big smile on his face. :) As we quietly enjoyed our tea, he began to pull out some money from his pocket for the tea. I signaled to him with a smile that the deed was already done. A long moment of confused silence ensued. Then a huge smile lit up his face as he realized that I had already paid.

As we set off on the long ride towards my destination, the mood felt considerably lighter and there was a warm sense of brotherhood between us… something that I haven’t experienced in a long long time with a complete stranger. Spontaneity is so much fun! :)

- Vinod

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(Email from Altaf in London who shares his experiences from London)

Dear Vinod:

As always, I think it is a fabulous idea. I have been doing that in the past month in London, on my own. And it is wonderful feeling, there is a bounce in my walk after a good deed done. I usually do it while I am on the Underground service. I am always looking out for young mothers with pram who struggle to get up and down the stairs in the underground network. And London being such an impersonal city, people are often in the rush, and a vagabond like me, with time on my hand, I often end up cheering up a young mother. But I also have to be careful about my random act of kindness, because of my ethnicity and the way I look, I usually don't want it to be misconstrued. So random acts of kindness with a little sense of awareness helps. The latest act of kindness was in Manchester last evening, where an elder African woman with a big suitcase, didn't know how to operate the self-service ticket kiosks at the station, helped operate the machine and she left happily and left me glowing inside. Really, as much as we like to help, there is a little bit of selfishness involved to - I want to be happy too :)

See you soon,
Altaf

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This is a post by my friend Kartick Sitaraman who couldn't participate completely in the RAOK week as he was away. However, he has already been practicing RAOKs even before the idea came up for a Super Sunday, as you can see from this post that is available on his blog at http://kartickslongroad.blogspot.com/

I'd mentioned in a previous post that I'm beginning to find happiness or satisfaction in little things... Shukla and I had planned a 'smoke' together to celebrate my office-coming. (Shukla works in Dubai, so we smoke physically in our respective locations, but co-ordinate it on cyber space). We had that smoke today, and in the course of that smoke, I found happiness in another small thing and also material for this post. When I walked into office in the morning, I found a security guard standing outside our new office. The old office (for digital entertainment) is on the 6th floor. Our new office (TV & Films) is on the 5th, and hence, a new security guard has been stationed outside starting today. I sat on the staircase with my smoke and noticed that he was still standing. Investigations (I've just begun work on a crime fiction show, and that's why the term) revealed that he had not been given a chair as yet since it was his first day and he was due to receive it by the end of the day. I wondered how someone could be left standing for a whole day outside the office, when the office had so many spare chairs with no one to sit on them. I asked our office boy to give him a chair from inside until he got his own chair sanctioned and actioned, that could take a while in a 'large corporate setup' believe it or not. In 10 seconds he had his chair, I had my moment of satisfaction and this post. It's largely insignificant, I know; this small moment, but it was worth that smoke. That, in itself is very rare. He insisted on standing while I was still outside. Now, am inside and I hope he's stationed himself on it for the time being. In our fast and ambitious daily lives, we tend to... well, you know the rest of it. I promise to be back, though I don't know soon. I write now only if I feel I want to say something. I've been told by a few of you that you visit this page expecting a post, and return disappointed; with no post, and probably with my lethargy and inaction. I'm quite flattered at the comment or crib, whichever way you look at it. I only hope every post is worth the wait. It is for me.

- Kartick